My meditation FAIL story. And 4 steps that changed everything

My story…

I knew meditation was good for me.

Good for my mental health, relaxation and probably a million other things.

I knew I could do with some help and relief from my over thinking Monkey Mind. It sounded a bit woo woo, but what did I have to lose? I decided to give it a try.

I downloaded an app. I sat down. I was ready. Bring on the magic, inner peace and singing angels.

Bring on the magic, inner peace and singing angels. 

What happened next?

Where are my angels? Where is my inner peace?

Instead of inner peace, the thoughts inside my head went crazy. If anything they got worse, not better. I already had a loud and annoying inner critic voice. Meditation just seemed to make it louder.

In my mind, meditation and being alone with my thoughts was about as appealing as getting a root canal at the dentist.

I decided I was a meditation FAIL. That was the end of that.

My thoughts got LOUDER. I decided I was a meditation FAIL.

Then I discovered there were some preparation steps I could take BEFORE trying to start a meditation practice.

Why had no one told me this before?

Think of it like this..

Its a bit like when I have tight, inflamed muscles. I know that deep tissue massage would help keep my muscles supple. But when everything is sore and inflamed, deep tissue massage makes it worse.

I would need a short period of rest, hydration, ice and gentle movements BEFORE I can benefit from the massage. Preparation steps.

It’s the same with meditation.

I needed to bring down the inflammation in my mind (stress response – fight, flight or freeze), before I could feel the benefits of meditation. 


The 4 important things I needed to learn BEFORE I could enjoy meditation 


1 ) Know that my negative thoughts are normal human behaviour

The primitive part of my brain was trying to keep me safe by looking for danger. It was so FREEING for me to learn this.
“You mean there’s nothing wrong with me?
Everyone feels like this sometimes?”
Meditation seemed to make it worse because I could hear all of the thoughts so clearly. I would beat myself up for having negative thoughts.
After I learnt these thoughts were part of my biology, not a fault on my behalf, I could let go of the guilt. 

2) Know that I am not my thoughts 

Not just intellectually know it, but truly “get it”, deep down in my soul. Plus I learnt some invaluable tools to unhook from my thoughts.

The analogy that works for me…

I am the blue sky, always there. My thoughts and feelings are like clouds, temporary and separate to me.

Reading The Happiness Trap book opened my eyes to all of this. It was truly life changing. I then went on to study under the book’s author Russ Harris.

My meditation before learning this – Meditation would bring up thoughts such as I’m a failure, or I should be doing more of XXX, etc.

I would attach to and believe those thoughts. It was horrible. No wonder I hated meditation.

 

My meditation after learning this – Some negative thoughts still pop in my head during meditation, but I can observe them as separate to me and watch them float on by.

So freeing.


3) Bring down my overall stress response.

My fight, flight or freeze response was on stuck on high. I found it near impossible to sit and quieten my mind. I had to deal with this first, before I could enjoy meditation.

Yes, of course meditation can bring down the stress response, but for absolute beginners its a bit like the inflamed muscle and massage example. There are many easier and gentler ways.

Once my overall stress response came down, I could finally allow myself to sit with myself and my thoughts.


4) The goal of meditation is NOT to stop your thoughts, its to stop letting them control you.

The final thing I needed to learn was that there is no magical place to arrive to. No angels singing.

The few glimpses I had of being still and in the moment… that IS meditation.

Meditation also reinforces the lesson that “I am not my thoughts”. Meditation shows me clearly, that I am the observer of my thoughts, they are separate to me.

This has given me back so much confidence, control and freedom.


So there you have it,

The 4 things I needed to learn BEFORE I could enjoy the wonderful benefits of meditation.

I now teach other beginners how to meditate and be more mindful, with my 8 week beginners Mindfulness and Meditation course. 

In fact the first 2 weeks of the course we do a DEEP DIVE into the above steps. I would love to have you join me in the next round.

You can find more details HERE 

Learn more about Chriss Tinslay HERE